The Crush I: Build-up

I have a crush; it is unlike me to be so timid. But this is a full-blown, head-on collision, schoolgirl crush. The most pathetic part of this crush is that he’s my dance instructor (uh-huh), and I’m sure tons of girls in class would have a crush on him too. This crush started last week, at the Top Hat and Tails dinner & dance. Yeah, I had a waltz with him, but most significantly, was when I found out he was “dating” (some girl). “There is nothing that makes one more crush-worthy than availability” (Darren). I’ve always thought that he was, you know, articulate, charming, funny, sexy—he’s got all his hair. But I also always thought that he was unavailable, probably tied up to his own dance partner. So I never let myself think of him—and it worked fine. But now I know he’s not tied up! gaaah!

Let me identify for you some of the symptoms:
1) I visit his website numerous times a day. Most pictures, he looks alrite. But there’s this one awful picture--he could be a truck driver or a crew on-set. He looks so un-classy in his jogging suit, and his face is oily and reflecting light. He looks like some guy I know from before whom I’m not attracted to at all. Anyways, that is the picture that sticks in my head; I visit that picture the most, hoping hope beyond hope that that will cure my crush.

2) I've also found out he plays the guitar and is currently in a band called Underling with Troy, and Jason. They're all ballroom dancers, involved with the UADC in some way. I should join the secret service.

3) I go to dance class, and I’m very distracted. I was thoroughly enjoying myself in class previously. I was learning for myself, improving myself, accumulating skills; and it was awesome to have such an entertaining instructor. But now, I go to class, and I feel so self-conscious; I’m not doing this for myself anymore. Thank god this is the last week of classes. I wanna keep learning, but maybe better not with him, which is unfortunate because he’s a really good dance instructor.

4) I found a partner to participate in the dance competition this coming Saturday. Awful me! I realize that I’m only doing this competition because I want to be one of the top 6 couples in my level to win a semi-private dance class with the instructor—which would be quite self-defeating because I would probably be so self-conscious and distracted in class, that... oh dear!

5) He’s professional, he’s good at what he does, and he can show it off. I want to be like that too—not dancing, of course. But my own thing, in literature. So I should really focus on my own work now. (See, he's even inspiring!)